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We've been close companions for over two decades, who has faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been constantly blindsided by others. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. Many of her social circle disappeared during that time, because they seemed drawn to her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in more effort toward our bond, and must have understood more clearly the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, many close to her vanished leaving her knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, even though she was highly competent, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we've both left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce discussion points and she changes conversation onto things she cares about. Politically, she holds strong opinions. My effort is to propose double-checking information and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a holiday abroad I have traveled to repeatedly even called home for some time. I tried to share personal experiences, but this was unappreciated. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her plans. I have come back from a month in that place and she wants to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I don't want in this role who cuts and runs without a word, but I don't think she'll truly comprehend the impact of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. But confrontation with the goal of working things out requires bravery and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step involves describing how things go in your conversations. This needs to be based on facts and essentially an unbiased account. Next involves sharing how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no argument on this point. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Step three involves requesting how you are both can shift the interaction in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, so you need to be prepared to listen to her. One effective method is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's wildly impactful for promoting better communication.

Key Takeaways

Your friend could ignore everything, for those who hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version of their life they're unable to abandon as it feels essential relies on it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult as there is no clear path with these people, just dead ends. However, she might start out like this then consider your perspective. If you never reach a fix, you'll have closure that you've been truthful.